Social priorities evolve in unexpected ways throughout life, and understanding these shifts can help foster meaningful connections, research indicates.

When choosing between meeting new people or spending time with close friends, preferences may seem tied to personality traits like extroversion or introversion. However, age plays a crucial and often overlooked role in shaping these social inclinations.

Friendship provides benefits across all stages of life, enhancing health and longevity, as shown by extensive research. In older age, friendships become particularly significant as a source of joy and fulfillment. Frequent interactions with close friends can even bring greater happiness than time spent with family members during this stage of life.

One reason for this is that friendships tend to be more enjoyable and less fraught with tension compared to other relationships. A study of Americans over 65 revealed that interactions with friends were rated as more pleasant than those with family members. This finding contrasts with earlier research, which emphasized family as the primary support system for older adults.

However, older individuals differ significantly from younger ones in how they manage friendships. While younger people often seek out new connections, older adults consciously narrow their social circles, explains Katherine Fiori, a psychology professor at Adelphi University in New York. This selective approach offers advantages but also poses challenges worth addressing, she notes.

A smaller, carefully chosen social network tends to be of higher quality. Fiori observes that as people age and perceive their future as limited, their focus shifts toward achieving socio-emotional goals, a concept encapsulated by the socio-emotional selectivity theory. Younger adults, envisioning expansive futures, prioritize building connections, while older adults concentrate on nurturing established ties, intentionally reducing weaker relationships to focus on meaningful ones.

Expanding Versus Shrinking

As part of this intentional narrowing, older adults often eliminate casual acquaintances, thereby increasing the "emotional density" of their social networks. This process creates a tighter-knit group, and older individuals are generally more forgiving and positive toward those they choose to keep close, as they seek to savor their remaining time together.

This emphasis on joy aligns with other findings about positivity in older age. Compared to younger individuals, older adults typically adopt a more optimistic perspective, focusing on positive events and memories—a phenomenon termed the "positivity effect."

Interestingly, this focus on close, positive relationships isn't exclusive to older adults. When younger people are reminded of life’s brevity, their social priorities also shift toward more meaningful connections, as demonstrated by a 2016 study. During the Covid-19 pandemic, this trend was evident across age groups, with people favoring emotionally significant relationships. Older individuals continued their age-typical approach of prioritizing fewer but deeper connections, while younger people adjusted their usually expansive strategies to resemble those of older adults.

Research suggests that these shifts in social motivation stem more from perceived time horizons than from chronological age. In essence, the way individuals perceive their remaining time has a stronger influence on their social preferences than their actual age.

Welcoming New Friends

Despite the benefits of focusing on close ties, researchers advise maintaining openness to new friendships. Fiori and her colleagues caution that excessively reducing social networks can be detrimental. Surprisingly, there is no evidence that an exclusive focus on close relationships enhances mental or physical health at any stage of life.

Different relationships fulfill distinct roles, Fiori explains. While close ties provide emotional and practical support, other connections offer intellectual stimulation and recreational enjoyment. Friendships, characterized by their voluntary and non-obligatory nature, uniquely cater to these needs.

Alexandra Thompson, a mental health research fellow at Newcastle University in the UK, agrees that friendships complement family relationships by providing shared interests and boosting positive mood. Unlike family bonds, which can involve obligation, friendships are built on mutual enjoyment and choice.

Friends as Chosen Family

Some friendships grow so deep that they resemble familial bonds. These "fictive kin" relationships combine the warmth of family with the joy of friendship, Fiori notes. In such cases, friendships may evolve into more obligatory connections, akin to family ties.

For speical group individuals, chosen families often play a critical role, especially for older generations who may have faced rejection and discrimination. Similarly, those who choose not to have children may rely more heavily on friendships as they age.

While cultivating close bonds, it is still possible to enjoy looser connections, Thompson advises. Quality outweighs quantity in friendships, and shared experiences and interests form the foundation of fulfilling relationships.

Is Four the Magic Number?

Thompson’s research explored the optimal number of friends for psychological well-being and reducing loneliness in older adults. She concluded that having four close friends provides maximum benefits, with little added advantage beyond this number.

Encouraging individuals to deepen existing connections or form new, high-quality friendships can significantly enhance well-being. In later life, friendships not only contribute to mental health but also improve cognitive and physical health. Research shows that robust social connections increase survival likelihood by 50% compared to insufficient relationships. Friendships also offer stability amidst changing family structures, such as single parenthood and divorce.

Creating Opportunities for Friendship

Despite the benefits, older adults often face barriers to forming new friendships. Without the social environments of school or work, grief over lost loved ones and physical or cognitive decline can make meeting new people challenging. Additionally, introverted individuals may find initiating new relationships intimidating.

Gender also influences social isolation, with older men typically reporting fewer connections than women. Women often act as "kinkeepers," maintaining stronger ties to friends and family.

Fiori emphasizes that mindset plays a crucial role in fostering connections. Negative perceptions of aging can discourage social investment, whereas a positive outlook encourages engagement in new activities and relationships, yielding significant benefits for well-being.

Fitness and Friends

Thompson highlights the importance of social opportunities through initiatives like Rise’s Every Move Matters program in England. Combining physical activities with socialization, the program significantly reduced loneliness for 81% of participants, demonstrating the value of structured opportunities to foster connections.

Bridging the Digital Divide

Technology offers older adults new ways to connect and engage. Research shows that using devices like tablets helps older adults maintain contact with family and friends, enhancing their quality of life. Improving digital literacy among older adults could further support these connections.

Toward Greater Social Connection

Recent generations are maintaining friendships longer into later life, reflecting more positive attitudes toward aging. Researchers predict that future cohorts will prioritize friendships even more, underscoring the growing importance of cultivating meaningful social bonds throughout life.